. hollow .

:-:

today is not my day
emptiness
n tears

when i stop for a second
and let my mind n
thoughts free to spin
i realise the fact
the truth

then i see
what im trying to suppress

they call it death.

the feeling of missing
a part of yourself
and to know that
that part is never coming back

never again will we talk
never again will she make me smile
never again will she hold me

this wonderful person
this lovly mother
how can this be true?
how could this happen?
no questions nor answers
will never make this easier
or undone

one can never say
i love you
to someone to
many times............

hold me....

:-:

- mum -

:-:

sometimes the feelin of
emptiness hits me so hard
it knocks me off my feet
keeping me alive
and
telling me the facts
she is gone
and
shes not coming back

no tears will ever bring her back
no sorrow will ever make her
stroke my cheek again
but yet
i cannot hold it back
my light thru life has been
put out

how ones world from one day to the
other just can turn totally upside down

i closes my eyes and i see her
hear her
smell her
but its not enought

how it is possible to love somebody
so much
and when loosing that someone
everything falls apart

the mind and the heart does not
always walk the same road

im tired of being lost
empty
not having her
tired of trying and trying
constantly and so hard
for what?

where to go?
what to do?
for whom?
why?

:-:

. na na na .

:-:

had such a long day. god up early cuz had to go to the gym b4
meetin frida for lunch. had a great time with frida tho, we needed that.

got a few things done tho and went to a really interesting lecture as well.
but not to fond of leaving school at 8ish pm.

tomorrow im def not getting up early. i think.
my day of rest from the gym,
4 days this week is enough i think.
or....we'll see how im feeling in the morning!

going to dads for the weekend.
it'll prob be nice.

bought a new perfume today. nice. me like.
also sorted my ears out. see photo.

weeeell...bedtime yes sir!!
xxxxxxxxxx
:-:

:-:

. like a soul without a mind .

:-:

not feeling my best today
tired
cold

march and april is stressful
so much to do
so little time

parsnips
oh how i love them
they are beautiful and
incredible tasty
yummi

probably going to london
over easter
gisele was supposed to come over
but im a horrible person and
decided to go there instead
selfish me

dont know what happen to the time today
suddenly its almost 10 pm n bedtime
want to get up early and go to the gym
before school

a shower
read some Mary Douglas
then bedtime

that is all.
xxxxxx

:-:

. holding on .

:-:

release me
i feel unsafe

there is no one else to blaim
but me
again
i am needy

i am stuck in the
middle of
what i want
feel
know
and what i can do

silly
again

are there any impossible dreams?

why are we on this constant
search for
the other
the better
the greeener grass on the
other side?

walkin on
down the path
confused
and oblivious
to the destination

maybe thats how
it should be?

:-:

- play with fire .

:-:

the days i get up early n trying to be a good girl are usually the days
without any concentration what so ever. i just dont get it.
i got up early.
i went to the gym.
i cooked lunch (pie) for me sara n sofia.
n now..im just..here.
doing nada. wasting precious time.

i do that often.
i waste time.
what is time anyway?

thinking maybe goin to intermediate course a bit later.
or the gym again. so restless. but tired.
dunno what to do with myself.

i wanna leave.
why am i so comfortable and lazy?
everyday it cross my mind just to pack my stuff and go.
but i need to sort out a future.
is there one for me?

sometimes it feels like
im all talk and no action.
this might just be true.

:-:

- my questions of happiness -

:-:

there is something inside of me thats not fully satifsfied.
there is an emptiness just waiting to be filled.
with what i dont really know.

memories been hitting me like gunshots today.
but with nice and beautiful memories
from the best days of my life.

is that whats creating all this emptiness?
that them days have past and the fact
that i miss them so much.
the fact that i compare the present with the past?

its just screaming inside of me to leave.
go where i belong.
go to the place i think of every minute of the day.
to the place where i feel ...home.
why am i not there?
where is there constant fear of failing coming from?
the belief in self.
where is it?
is it missing or was it not even there so start with?

where is this spontanous me?
the girl that dropped the world to get on the plan and follow her guts?

my heart is missing u.
my body is screaming your name.

my mind is running but my legs are paralysed.
i am afraid.

:-:

. folks .

:-:

rought today. went out with sie classmates yesterday.
lots of fun.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=224509&id=522090071&l=89b1c

think i'll cook sum lunch..n read sum for tomorrow. soo much to do this wk, where is the time?
wat is time?

not much to share today.
no.

laterz.

:-: